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COMMENT: I Want An Open Relationship, Should I tell my husband?

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Dear Penners,

I need your expert advice on a problem that’s beginning to fester.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. Three years ago we decided to separate because we simply could not get along. We disagreed on everything from finances to the best way to discipline our child, so we split but remained very close. While separated, we both dated other people but we spent holidays together and took vacations as a family. Fast forward to present day and we’re a full-time, cohabitating married couple again. This was mainly hubby’s decision; I simply went along with it for the financial perks & benefits. Don’t get me wrong though, I do love the man. So far it’s been 4 months being “married” again and things are great for the most part – – – except when it comes to sex. In a nutshell, I hate having sex with my husband now and wouldn’t mind if I never had to do it with him ever again!

While we were separated I had a relationship with another man who embodied all the physical traits a woman like me (and a few men I know,) could ask for. In addition to having the good looks of Blair Underwood with a touch of Lance Gross, the man was 6’4”, 220lbs of pure chocolately goodness!  He kept himself in great shape, was college-educated, home-owner, remained gainfully employed and childless! To add the icing to the cake, sex with him was nothing short of VANGLORIOUS!!!(tongue-in-cheek).  The man came equipped with 9 inches of instant gratification and was a master at his trade.  He made my body hum!  I’m by no means inexperienced and I can say hands down, he was the best lover I had in all my years of sexual exploration.

Now I’m back with my husband and can’t even trick myself into having sex with him. When I do muster up the nerve to have sex (which has only been twice in 4 months) it has to be doggy-style so I don’t have to see his body. For years I faked it with hubby, and now I can’t even put on the act anymore. I just lie there like a dead fish waiting for him to finish while I’m making a grocery list in my head. I’m completely turned off by his extra weight and small member. Yeah, yeah, I put up with it for years with no complaints, but that was before the Chocolate Man Wonder (CMW) came and rocked my world. No amount of fantasizing or sex toys can amount to what CMW delivered naturally. Now I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I want to stay with hubby because he loves and spoils me to death. On the other, I want to continue having sex with CMW.   I’m on the verge of discussing having an open relationship with my husband, but I’m not sure that will go over well. I really want the best of both worlds – I want to continue being treated like a Queen by my husband, but I also want to continue having mind-altering sex with my lover.

What’s a girl to do?  – Ms. Adiza

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